Just a little card

I wasn't lying when I said I've still been creating over the last few months (in fact, did I even say that?). It's just been a bit more sparse than usual. Pregnancy + M.E. = one very exhausting first trimester, many days only able to stay awake 3-5 hours before needing to sleep for at least 3-5 hours. Hence why there wasn't a single blog post between April and July.

I'm now at pre-pregnancy energy levels, which I think is great compared to what it had been. Still not the level of a well person. But able to create again, which makes me happy.

hope

I have no idea where this blog is going. I don't have a business plan of any sort. The only real 'goal' I have in terms of this blog is to be a bit less of a jack of all trades and master of none. If I could hone in on the things I do a bit better, and get even better, that would be good. But it's nice that, while I bumble along here (I love the word bumble, don't you? Say it. Bumble.) you lovely folk are bumbling along with me. Thanks for that.

I've always been a great planner. I like to make lists and tick things off. And, if I do/pack something which wasn't on the list, I'll write it on there so that I can tick it off. I doubt I'm the only one who does that. But all of my big life plans fell flat on their face when I got ill, 5 years ago. So these days, I make small plans (like deciding to learn the cello - oh yes!) and I think about the bigger plans, but I try not to hinge my happiness upon them. Only God knows that's going to happen next. Anyway...

Here's some paint I chucked at a canvas.

Here's a tip for you: if you plan on making a piece of art which involves flicking paint, be sure to cover everything (apart from the thing on which you want the paint to land, obviously). If you are foolish enough to do it on the floor in the kitchen, don't be surprised when you find paint on your table legs and cupboard doors. And, if you're flicking the paint from the actual paintbrush (by tapping the brush handle onto your finger, perhaps), be aware that that particular method flicks paint not just in the direction you're aiming the brush, but also from either side and, if you're really lucky, it'll flick paint upwards, onto your face and hair.

Not that I did any of that. I just thought you'd appreciate the tip.

favourite photo of the month and a great big #reverb post

This could possibly be the most staged photograph I've ever taken, but it's SOOC (straight out of camera) and I am super pleased with it. I don't use that word nearly enough. I feel like I've just fallen out of a Ladybird book. I took a little series like this and I'll upload them to Flickr over the next few days or so.

I am way, way behind on the #reverb prompts (is anyone doing them in a different order? Has anyone else been as rubbish as I have with them? Do you know of anyone giving one word answers to the prompts?). Part of this could be to do with the fact that I've been busy. It could also be because I've been making a December scrapbook (I'll attempt to post photos in the next few days). So, I thought I'd respond to a few in one post. Here goes...

Day 13: Action. When it comes to aspirations, it's not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?

Day 17: Lesson learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

Day 18: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did/didn't go for it?

Day 20: Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwsie deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

Day 21: Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

My response to the above five prompts is this:

Stop dabbling with things I'm rubbish at or just alright at and focus on things I'm actually good at. Possibly things that other people don't really do so much or something that I can do a bit better than other people (napping?). In 2011, I will try to get a teensy bit further away from being a jack of all trades and master of none.

Day 14: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

Day 15: 5 minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

Day 16: Friendship. How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

For me, these prompts could kind of answer each other. The question is, with the 5 minutes prompt, would you record all of the awful stuff too, so that you know what you've overcome? Or would you only record the fun stuff?

Day 19: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

I've experienced much healing this year. But it's not a question of what has healed me but who. Willpower and a positive outlook can only get you so far.

Merry Christmas.

Try to do some playing, if you get a chance.

8th December {#reverb10: Beautifully Different}

Prompt: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

Hmmm. This prompt is so not me. Yes, I'm a beautiful princess warrior, bla bla bla. So, how to respond?

Well, while typing the above sentence, I was inspired (handy timing). And for this, I'll respond by talking very briefly about illness.

5 years ago, I became ill with what I would later discover/be told was M.E. I had ambitions and plans but they all got dashed upon the rocks. And that sucks.

However, if I had never become ill, I would never have returned to one of the passions I gave up after A levels: art. I would never have discovered the healing therapy of creating and I would have missed out on learning a lot. I'm pretty sure that, had I been well, I would have blindly joined the rat race immediately after university and my imagination would have been packed away in a box somewhere. And so, what was meant to harm me, has been turned around and used for good. And that is what has made life beautifully different: that good has come out of this. 

ME awareness day

As most of you know, I have M.E. I've had it for 4 years.

I'm so much better today than I was two years ago, when I could only leave the house twice a week for a couple of hours (and even that was sometimes too much) and was on constant pain medication (because I was in constant pain). I could go on, but I won't. I got off lightly, really. 

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Stroopwaffle is a tweeter (and person!) from Suffolk in the UK who is bedbound and unable to sit up due to severe ME. And yet, from her bed, she still manages to write poetry.

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Green Words has had ME for 15 years. Take 2 minutes to read this blog entry. It doesn't focus on the technicalities of the illness or list the various symptoms (because you'd be there a while), but it's a little insight into what it feels like.

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Billy Gean is from Staffordshire and blogs about life and her recovery from the illness: still not fully well, but now able to write and work part-time.

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A little while ago, I read a book called The State of Me by Nasim Jafrey. Here's a snippet:

I’m always measuring out my energy behind the scenes, but people don’t see it. They see you at a party and think you’re fine, they don’t see you resting all day to be able to go, and being wrecked all the next day because you went. They don’t see you leaning on walls at bus stops because you can’t stand for more than five minutes. They don’t see how tired your arm gets after beating an egg. They don’t know you almost always have poison in your calves when you wake up. They don’t see you weeping because you’re so tired of it all. Last week, a nun with bulbous eyes called me a lazy girl because I was sitting down on the bus.

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And if you want to understand what it's like to ration out energy like spoons, read The Spoon Theory. It's actually talking about another illness but could be applied to so many chronic illnesses, including M.E.

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Today, I'm trying to do as many ME-related tweets as possible to help #MECFS get to be a trending topic.

If you do want to find out more, here are some useful links:

A sum-up of M.E. for M.E. Awareness Day

M.E. Awareness Week 2010 - The Year In Review

M.E. Awareness Posts

A Hummingbird's Guide (this site has every M.E. topic covered)

The M.E. Association

Action For M.E.

After all of that, I need a lie-down.

help clothes hangers do their job

One of the things I hate about M.E. is the unpredictability of it. You get over a bad month and think, "Phew, glad that's over. This month will be so much better." But then it's not. So that explains the lack of blogging. But, if you'd rather not keep checking back here to see whether I've bothered to blog or not, sign up to my RSS feed. That way, I can come to you! I have my RSS feeds sent to Mail so that I don't even have to open a web browser. It's nice. Although, every so often I end up subscribing to a blog whose feed is only a couple of lines long, which means that if I want to see the whole post, I have to go on over to their blog. Do you know what I do with those feeds? I delete them. Why? Because I just cannot be bothered. 


On the subject of not being bothered, I was reading something recently on time-saving ways to keep your house tidy. Although, for me it would be energy-saving ways. My energy has to be rationed out throughout the week, y'know.


One piece of advice was something like this:
"Replace all of your clothes hangers for the wooden ones with rubber ends. They may be more expensive, but it will mean that you never have to waste time picking up all of the items of clothing which have fallen to the floor as a result of slipping off the hanger..."


Replace all of your hangers with wooden ones?! If I had that much money, I'd pay for a house-keeper! No no no. I have a much better (and much cheaper) way of getting your clothes to stay on the hanger. Ready to hear it?


Problem
That wide-necked jumper which just won't stay put (I had to basically tie it to the hanger because it fell to the floor for each photo attempt):

Solution

Rubber bands. Put them on the ends of the clothes hanger:

Wrap them around so that they cross over, covering more of the hanger:

Problem solved!

That jumper will now cling to the rubber of the elastic bands. 

Hurrah!

Was this a revelation for you? It's going to change your life. Just like this video has changed my life. Please don't tell me that you've all been doing this for years and I'm the last one to catch on...

jenga, anyone?

I'm not sure about the eyes. What do you think? I think that button eyes would look better. However, I want to make as many baby-friendly sock animals as I can (so that they'll sell better on my stall). Especially as the high-contrast print of this creature would make it brilliant for a baby. And yet, most baby toys are in soft pastel shades. What's that all about?

I've been working very hard to make things to sell at the Christmas Market on 5th December - ONLY 5 WEEKS AWAY!

I feel a bit like a game of jenga. No, I don't want to play the game, I feel like I am a game of jenga. I'm at the point in the game where I am swaying slightly, and if one more block is put on top, I will crash. Someone asked me to help with something quite straightforward but I could feel myself swaying. People forget that I'm ill. Or they forget the implications of it. Maybe they think I need to sleep a bit more but apart from that I'm basically fine. Or maybe I need to use a stick because I ache a bit but apart from that I'm fine. They forget that washing my hair is a massive task for me. They forget, or maybe don't realise, that writing an email isn't just a case of sitting down and writing. Everything takes so much longer and I have to think so much harder.

I thought about doing twitter feeds for a week on 'a week in the life of someone with M.E.'. Surely that's what I do already? No. I don't want to whinge about that poisoned feeling I get. Or how my arm sometimes can't even lift a cup of tea to my mouth so I have to get Mr Pippa to pour it into a plastic cup and get me a straw. Because no-one wants to hear that. But then, by not mentioning it, people don't know.

I'm not having a good week.

But on a high note, Mr Pippa did crêpes again today. Yummy. What do you have on yours? I tore mine into thirds and had nutella on one bit, sugar and maple syrup on another and with the last bit, I wrapped marshmallows up in it and put it in the microwave. Mmmm gooey marshmallows. It was lovely. Try it.

sneak peek

Here's a tiny bit of the Cath Kidston chair I've been going on about. Intrigued?

You know a little while back I mentioned how my computer was playing up and I'd really love a MacBook? Well I didn't actually think that my computer would completely die. But then I didn't think that some wonderful friends would do a wonderful thing either.

I have a MacBook ... Pro! I still don't quite believe it. Every now and again, I go to check my emails on Mr Pippa's computer and then I remember that I can check them on mine! Or, when my body wants to be in bed, I can take my MacBook with me and still be doing things! Everyone with ME should have a laptop.

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, the Cath Kidston chair I have been telling you about for the last few weeks. I still haven't managed to transfer all of my photos from my dead machine, but I remembered that I'd emailed some pictures of the chair to my family. So, I fished them out of my sent items and now I can share them with you...

But I'm going to have a cup of tea first. Call back later if you're interested. In fact, call back even if you're not. Just pop in and say hello! That would be nice, especially as I feel as though I've lost all of my readers after the long break.

made some badges

Now Mr Pippa is ill. I'm attempting to look after him. It's a laugh, eh?

it's been quiet

It's been quiet on the creative-front the last week. I can't remember the last time I felt SO awful. Flu is one thing, but flu with ME? And then tonsillitis?! That's one of the (many) annoying things about ME - you can't just push on through it (as some 'professionals' may advise you to) because when you do, you get worse. I get tonsillitis. A friend of mine with ME loses her voice. I did lose my voice for a day and a bit - it was brilliant Sign Language practice!

That sneak peek I showed you the other day (the scrapbook page with the butterflies and the machine stitching) isn't finished yet, but I thought I'd show you my favourite bit.

Now off to rest my head.

my hand

I'm full of flu. Which perhaps wouldn't be such a kick in the teeth if I didn't have M.E. too. 

Here is a photo of a hand with some origami in it.

I'm going back to bed.

featured artist

I will have some exciting new creations to show you this week, but for now, have a look at the Chronic Artists' Blog (where should that apostrophe be?) here. I feel very honoured to be their featured artist :o)

bon voyage!

Cheerio little fella. In the morning, he flies off on his travels to America - what a long journey! He's really looking forward to meeting his new friend, the incredibly talented watercolour artist, Kimberly Shaw (you may remember she sent me a stunning card a wee while ago). My first international sale!

I was so excited a week ago - starting up my shop, my first international shop, some lovely comments on my blog... it was all going wonderfully. I had loads of crafty things on the go and millions of sock creatures in the making. Okay so not millions, but a few! And then everything went downhill. Two reasons: doctors and estate agents. I'm not sure who are worse sometimes. As anyone with ME will know, finding a nice, helpful doctor who actually knows what they're talking about is like finding a cure for cancer in McDonalds. My whole week was taken up with listening to the advice of the "specialist" (who cunningly disguises the fact that she's not a doctor by calling herself a "specialist") tell me to ditch the routine which has meant that I've been able to do more and create more than I've been able to do in over two years, in favour of "re-training your body". I'm following her advice because she is the specialist. So far, I feel terrible: more pain than usual, more exhausted than usual and generally more 'hung-over' than usual. I'm looking forward to when she realises that it was a stupid idea of hers and then I can go back to my nice lovely routine again. I do have things that I want to do! And as for the estate agent, well we all know that getting a bond back from an estate agent is like getting blood from a stone. We'll just squeeze harder.

Sorry for the lull. Just you wait, I'm going to have some very cool things to show you. Watch this space...

+Edited. I followed the advice of the specialist to the letter. She realised that it was stupid and I was able to go back to my old routine. Hooray! Oh how I wish they would just listen in the first place!

the state of me

I got this book last Monday and finished it today. For 11 days, I had a friend who completely understood what it was like to live with M.E. 

I will share an excerpt:

I’m always measuring out my energy behind the scenes, but people don’t see it. They see you at a party and think you’re fine, they don’t see you resting all day to be able to go, and being wrecked all the next day because you went. They don’t see you leaning on walls at bus stops because you can’t stand for more than five minutes. They don’t see how tired your arm gets after beating an egg. They don’t know you almost always have poison in your calves when you wake up. They don’t see you weeping because you’re so tired of it all. Last week, a nun with bulbous eyes called me a lazy girl because I was sitting down on the bus.

It's as though she's describing my life. If only there was a second book so that I could have my friend back. 

Onto arty things: I've finished altering my ball gown. I'm not happy with it at all but I have nothing else to wear. I was hoping to have completely transformed it but it didn't really work out that way. Of course, I will still show you photographs. I'll upload them on Sunday.

Other than the dress, I haven't been able to do much in the way of arty things because my energy has been consumed with packing. Only a few more days and we will be in our new house! I'm getting quite good at moving house now.

I lied

Okay so I didn't post pictures yesterday. It turned into quite a busy day. Today I have some art-journal pages to share with you. This one is one from a while ago but I jazzed it up with some ribbon, which I really like.

This spread is on 'rest'. As part of the recovery process for ME, I am having to teach myself how to really rest. I don't have the energy to be taking part in high-demand activity, so my days are generally filled with low-demand activity OR sleep (which I am VERY good at!). However, I need to be making time to really rest - just sit down and breathe for ten minutes. Don't read a book (that hurts my eyes and I have to use my brain, which is mush most of the time), don't watch TV: just sit. There are just so many other things I could be doing though!

I find blank pages quite daunting so on this spread I stuck down a wallpaper border (I always pick up some free samples when I'm in DIY shops). With a border like that, I needed a spread that was quite flamboyant, so the rest just happened. But I have no idea what to journal about on it! I think I'll wait until I have something so celebrate and dance about.

And finally this page. I really really enjoyed making this spread. Lots of layering and ripping and painting. It reads "one of my favourite places is the land of dreams". That's right folks, it's a whole spread about my love of sleep (or should that be my love for sleep?). The sketch I did of the sleeping girl (possibly me?) was one I drew years ago, so I just copied it.

Ah I do love sleep.

ME

I learned something new today.

Some of you may know that I have ME. I don't think I've ever written about it on my blog because I try to keep this as my little happy place (apart from when I blogged about the burglary). I had been on the waiting list to see a specialist for a year and a half and finally saw a specialist last week. At last I am getting help.  

Until today I didn't know much about Frida Khalo. I knew that she was an artist with a massive mono-brow! Aside from that, I didn't know much (I didn't watch the film in 2002. Maybe I will). Today, I saw a little YouTube video about Frida Khalo. I discovered that she was bed-bound and actually painted in bed! This really inspired me.

I don't rest as much as I should. When I have energy, I use it. I clean the kitchen, I clean the bathroom, I spend hours in the studio painting. Then I can't do a thing for days. I get frustrated. I want to do things but I either shouldn't or I physically cannot. Art helps me. These past couple of weeks, Hubby has been encouraging me to leave the dishes and do some painting. I feel as though I have really achieved something when I paint and draw and make things. If I clean the kitchen, then I have a clean kitchen for about an hour. Then it needs to be cleaned again. If I create, I have something to show for my tiredness. I can think, "yes, I'm tired, but look what I've done", and that makes me smile.  

I don't get as much rest as I should. I sleep lots, but I don't actually rest much. And I am now being discouraged to sleep during the day but to rest instead. Rest for a 'normal' person might be reading or watching television. But that is actually really tiring for someone with ME. As Action For ME say:

For your mind and body to get real benefit you need to be fully relaxed and properly resting your brain. This may call for a new perspective on what you consider to be relaxation. Before you became ill you might have used mental activities to relax, like reading or watching television, or you might have enjoyed physical exercise. For healing rest, aim to be quiet and still, both physically and mentally.

I get bored of sitting or lying in bed if I'm not allowed to sleep.  Now, inspired by Frida Kahlo, I plan to draw while in bed. 

So, if you start seeing lots of drawings of my bedroom on my Flickr page, you'll know why!